OK OK OK, you bought this god forsaken game, why? lord knows. But here's what to do, don't answer the phone right away, just ignore it, just keep following the terrible, shoddy, poor road, there's about 6-7 checkpoint i think, but once you get to the end, it gets better, you get shoes and lose the slippery feet, so you don't need to worry about that
OK, now that you have shoes, go up to the big gate then the doghouse that just popped up, do that, then find they key, then find it again, for me it was in the town sign, but then just jump to the bus stop, talk to the weird guy, then go through the fence, then to the cabin, Get your whole head cut off then, when you get sent back to the start of the game but with the shoes, answer the phone call, then do what they say
OK, so now you're in hell or something, jump up, follow the path, get the gun, do the impossibly hard maze with the weird enemies and find the keys, i have no strategy for this.
OK skip ahead to the boss, all i can advise is you shoot at a distance so you have time to run away, it takes forever but when your done, you can relax and question, "Why did I install this game?"