- rep I will never forget the day I met him. It was cloudy and I was wearing my iconic Grateful Dead shirt at the local churro stand (as is my proclivity). I don't listen to Grateful Dead, but I'm a fan.

He came up to me and whispered racist things about Italians, claiming they weren't smart enough to commit tax fraud and didn't wash their hands after pissing. I was in disbelief and couldn't speak.

I responded that I've met plenty of Italians that wash their hands after pissing, and that they even wash their hands after SHlTTING despite never having to touch their genitals. He laughed in my face!

Before he left, he crushed my left kneecap with a tire iron and called me a "dingus," leaving without paying for his churro. I've turned to the police, Twitter, the IRS, and even witchcraft. I haven't been able to stop him and obtain my vengeance yet. One day I will see him again and prove to him that Italians DO wash their hands when they piss.

This is my story...