And how did this shrimp manage to cook the rice so well that it looks and tastes delicious? How did it know how much water to add, how long to cook, how often to stir, how much salt or pepper or soy sauce or whatever else to use? How did it avoid burning or undercooking or overseasoning or spilling or dropping anything along the way? How did it plate the rice so nicely and garnish it so elegantly that it looks like something out of a gourmet restaurant menu? You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?

And how did this shrimp fry the rice once it had it? Did it find some oil and seasonings lying around somewhere and use them with its nonexistent culinary knowledge? Did it borrow some from a friendly neighbor with its nonexistent social skills? Did it make some from scratch with its nonexistent chemistry skills? And where did it get the heat source to cook the rice? Did it use a stove or a microwave with its nonexistent electricity access? Did it start a fire with its nonexistent matches or lighter? Did it use its own body heat with its nonexistent thermoregulation ability?

How do you expect me to believe such a preposterous claim? How do you explain the logistics of this miraculous feat? How did this shrimp obtain some rice in the first place? Did it swim to the nearest supermarket and buy some with its nonexistent money? Did it raid a farmer’s field and steal some with its nonexistent stealth? Did it grow some itself with its nonexistent farming skills?

I’m sorry, but I have to ask you to repeat what you just said. Did I hear you correctly? Did you really say what I think you said? Are you seriously trying to convince me that this dish of rice was prepared by a shrimp? A shrimp, as in a small, aquatic crustacean with a shell and antennae? A shrimp, as in an animal that lives in the ocean and feeds on plankton and algae? A shrimp, as in a creature that has no hands, no fingers, no opposable thumbs, and no ability to manipulate tools or fire?