All you wanted was a badass hunting/guard dog.

So you were in the market for a badass hunting/guard dog........and you asked around, trying to find some good intel on where to go to find the hunting/guard dog of your dreams.
Somewhere along the line you had heard about this guy called Rocket, and that he was hooked up with this reputable breeder called Bohemia. So he sells you DayZ, and DayZ actually looks to be a very decent looking hunting/guard dog, well bred and ready to run.

You happily bring DayZ home, and begin to find out otherwise......... the only time DayZ barks in defense of the house is at 3:30 in the morning, startling you out of sleep and when you go have a look, ready for the worst, theres nothing at all amiss and you find DayZ fast asleep in you warm spot of the bed. And all you wanted a badass hunting/guard dog.

And, just as you had forgotten about the last time, on your way to take your morning leak your toes (again) find DayZ's still warm pile of Sh*t in the doorway of the bathroom. And all you wanted a badass hunting/guard dog.

And, when DayZ isnt opening the fridge and eating all your lunch meat, hes in your general area dropping SBD farts on you as he stares at you while panting happily. And all you wanted was a badass hunting/guard dog.

And, every other day DayZ slips up on you(or your girlfriend if shes happens to stop by) and suprisingly mounts up on your leg while taking a threatening but not entirely painful bite of your groin area and growls menacingly if you try to struggle and proceeds to furiously hump your leg, and eventually(f*ckers got stamina) blows his load all over your new nikes while howling. And all you wanted a badass hunting/guard dog.

And when you actually DO get DayZ out in the forest to hunt, apon seeing a startled and clearly scared bunny rabbit, DayZ sh*ts on himself and runs back to the car crying and whining and totally on tremble. And all you wanted a badass hunting/guard dog.

Finally, you try to bring DayZ back where you got him from, but, come to find out, Rocket has skipped town, no where to be found. And all you wanted a badass hunting/guard dog.

You get ahold of Bohemia: hang in there they say, he just needs a few updates and revisions they say, we dont know where Rocket is they say, were going to make this right they say, DayZ will be the best hunting/guard dog ever they say.

And all you wanted was a badass hunting/guard dog................................