Recent reviews by Zͥeͭtͫyͤ

Better get this indie gem before Pigtendo sues for having trading cards with little monsters on them.

My friend and I waited in the duos queue for over 10 minutes, but we never got a game. How is the queue dead with 57,000 people playing? Oh, right—it's an EA game.

Is your life so mundane that the highlight of your day is coming home from your grueling job to roleplay as a lion while sitting on a rock?

The large posteriors aren't worth putting yourself through such abysmally mind-numbing gameplay.

When I first saw the cinematic trailer during State of Play, I thought it looked somewhat interesting—like Guardians of the Galaxy in theme and atmosphere. Then, at the end of the trailer, they announced it was a live service hero shooter…

Hello, my name is Zety (pronouns: eat/pant), and I personally do not enjoy Concord (pronouns: it/flopped).
I will be comparing Concord to other, more successful hero shooters in general. I don’t enjoy the overwhelming majority of games in this genre either, so my opinion isn’t biased in favor of another. I will also be referring to Concord as "it" from here on.

• Many of its competitors are free, whereas it is quite expensive, especially considering the quantity and quality you get for the price.
  
• Many of its competitors look more visually appealing—environmentally, artistically, and characteristically.
  
• Many of its competitors do not require a third-party account to play.
  
• Many of its competitors aren't affiliated with the multi-billion-dollar former shell of Sony, known as Sony.
  
• Finally, many of its competitors' company members do not attack individuals in a toxic manner on X (formerly known as Twitter). It’s very unprofessional from a business or any standpoint, really, but it seems it’s becoming the norm. Please take time to work on your mental health—that goes for anyone.

On a personal note, if PlayStation Network is unavailable in roughly 121 countries compared to the 69 countries where it is available, how will LGBT+ individuals and others in these countries be able to play your game? That doesn’t seem very inclusive. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Upon clicking play, I waited around 5 minutes for the third-party Ubisoft launcher to load and update. Then I had to sign in, and it asked for a product key. After canceling out of that menu, I had to click play again. This time, the game launched after BattleEye loaded. I loaded into the game quickly after that, only to be met with an unskippable cutscene. I then had to agree to a "play nice, play fair, play safe" prompt, or else I couldn't play.

I clicked play on the main menu and had to sit through another unskippable cutscene. I was having a somewhat good time destroying the small enemy ships, but then I ran into the bigger boss ship that was as spongy as a Division boss. I got 6 minutes of gameplay before another unskippable cutscene. Then I got the longest loading screen yet, which led to another cutscene. During this tutorial phase, pausing did not actually pause the game, but if you paused during a cutscene, that cutscene would pause.

After that 4 and a half minute cutscene, I got to a character creator that was less interesting than the Division’s. Don’t worry, you can put facial hair on your female character (icky). At least I could skip the dialogue now. When I entered the social hub, the players running around were super buggy—floating and flying all over the place.

After running around and skipping dialogue for about 6 minutes, I finally got to edit my ship after another loading screen.

You can't name your ship "c0ck_cruncher," "weiner_eater," or "UbiRichardRider." "Muncher" is a banned word in general. I settled for "Richard_Sitter." I accidentally disembarked three times while trying to sail away and had to wait through agonizing loading screens. I was shocked when I realized my ship had a stamina bar.

I attacked NPC ships and "boarded" them, which just triggered a loot-box-esque menu where I could choose what generic items to take. At one point, some dolphins jumped out of the water next to my ship, and I thought it was another ship firing at me—I’m not sure if it was a player, but I sank it anyway. This gave me a wanted level that seemed like it was trying to imitate GTA, but nothing happened, and it just went away after a while.

I then sailed across the sea to a big X on the map, only to find out it was my marker that I didn’t realize I had set, and not treasure.


This game is AAAA in name (and maybe in a graphical sense? I didn’t play with the settings turned up all the way) only.

It makes sense why they heavily discounted it for its Steam release (where it should have released in the first place). I’m on the fence about refunding it, as I got a bit of dopamine from sinking ships (a single, measly drop of dopamine is all I need in life), although the sinking animation is the exact opposite of Sea of Thieves—lifeless and emotionless. But I wouldn’t pay full price for this game in a million years, let alone consider the premium edition.

Pirates: The Legend of Black Kat from 2002 for the Original Xbox and PlayStation 2 is more of a AAAA game than this. Also, if you ever need to contact Ubi support for help with any issue, you’d get better assistance letting your cat lick you clean with its sandpaper tongue.

After more than a decade of this game being out, Re-Logic decided to pander to 'modern audiences' for some quick and easy ESG points. Yuck.

I first played this 12 years ago on the Xbox 360's Xbox Live Arcade. Though it was initially released 16 years ago and first announced 19 years ago, it blows my mind that we're getting an update all this time later.

Did reading this make you feel old? Writing it made me feel old and sad, but also happy and nostalgic for Castle Crashers.

A month and a half later, and you still need a third-party garbage bin account on the superior platform.

NFT = No Fᵘcking Thanks

Rest assured, they are transitioning to the garbage bin of gaming launchers, EGS.