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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY BOOTY BANGER
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📘 ✳ that
💗👾 ✿ you've
🌸🐛⚡ ♫ read
👹💙⛳💛 ß Fortune's
🥒📀🐠🍇🚘 ☺ diet
🚙😺📕🌂🐊🐳 ♦ truths, you'll be prepared the next time some housewife or boutique-owner-turned-diet-expert appears on TV to plug her latest book. And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for eating coffee cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself the following questions: (1) Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a food? (2) Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me? (3) Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as prescribed ... without French-fried onion rings, pizza with double cheese, or the occasional Mai-Tai? (Remember, living right doesn't really make you live longer, it just *seems* like longer.) That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.