In this game you are a Terrorist or elite Counter-Terrorist who has never fired a gun in their life before a round starts. You must help your character learn how to control their guns while killing enemies. Strangely, each character has the mysterious power to fire one or two shots without ridiculous recoil by very briefly jerking in the opposite direction they are moving in.

When your character wears a Kevlar vest, every part of your character, except the head, are made out of steel. Therefore, the only way to quickly kill people is to shoot them in the head. This can be annoying at first, but you will soon get used to shooting a small smudge of pixels on top of a character's body.

The Goddess of Guns can materialize guns in your character's hands a few seconds before a round starts. However, your character must pay for the guns, which have vastly overinflated prices. When you have the right amount of money, the Goddess will flash a menu in your character's eyes, allowing them to select the guns they want. More advanced users can make guns materialize out of thin air with their mind as long as they have the right amount of money.

Maps are often about evil terrorists trying to bomb deserted places. Vandalism is a very serious crime in the Counter-Strike series, so elite Counter-Terrorists are deployed to stop them. Unfortunately for the Terrorists, they are dumb and only packed one bomb. However, the Counter-Terrorists do not know how to pick up a dropped bomb, so the Terrorists can still pick it up after it is dropped by a fallen friend.

In some maps, the terrorists have kidnapped a janitor and low-level desk jockey in a building. The Counter-Terrorists have been deployed to save one, not both, of the hostages. In reality, this is just a thinly-veiled excuse for the CTs to murder the Terrorists while pumping rounds into the invincible hostages. One weird thing about hostage maps is that you can purchase a "Hostage Rescue Kit", which somehow makes gives you the ability to put a grown man on your shoulders in a second. Perhaps it is a spell scroll that allows hostages to hover to your character's shoulders.

Overall, Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is a surprisingly solid game about people with the worst gun handling abilities ever seen on Earth. Even though your characters have the aiming abilities of someone with Parkinsons Disease, you have many tactical options that make the game very fun and dynamic. It's worth picking up.